Funniest Moment of the Day

While I was waiting for the game to start today I got this frantic email from a friend of mine....

Fuck.Stupid hotmail. I was replying to your email and must have clicked something?????before I hit send. SHIT.

Okay, I had to scroll down to understand the reason for such an email. I will share with you who actually received the email she intended for me. The gentleman who received the email is someone who we both know and is quite reserved and I cannot imagine anything inappropriate ever coming out of his mouth. He is, most likely, as anal as an accountant. Get the picture? Behold the following email which was intended for me but was actually sent to this reserved, anal and lovely middle aged man......

I hate my body and my job. I am so fat. My chin is like a disgusting triple chin these days.

Now, this might not seem like a big deal to some of you but I thought I would wet my pants. I am still laughing. She called me immediately and I couldn't even talk to her because I was laughing so hard. The moral of this story, it is better to drink and email than to use Hotmail.

Opening Day

Can you tell what she is doing? Look closely! Today was Opening Day for our national past time, baseball. My husband has season tickets and begs me every year to go to this momentous event. I gave in and went this year and I am not a fan of baseball. If you know me than you will know it is all about the food. I love popcorn! The lines were too long and my patience too short to purchase my beloved kettle corn. On top of that, the weather stunk and therefore the roof was closed. I did take this great picture while I was there and I think I need to take some pointers from this 8 year old girl to get through another game. I found this so funny! Yes, the Mariners won!

Am I a Princess?

Okay, I am totally addicted to this Blog thing or maybe it is that I have so much useless information in my head that I just need to get it out. In many ways, I feel like my life is a Seinfeld episode. It is full of useless information.

Here is my latest useless info, we went to a wedding last night for our old nanny. She was with us for a couple of years and we, of course, love her. In some ways, I envy her. She has always been stick thin, stylish and beautiful inside and outside. She was way gooder, yes I know that isn't a word, than I ever was. Now, I had a lot of fun in college, my parents would say too much fun. I was never like her, I could never have nannied anyone's children. I could barely take care of myself. Okay, so my point is that last night at her wedding she came to our table and I said.....

"You look like a Disney Princess" and I meant it, I really meant it. She was Ariel, all perfect and everything with a perfect sing song voice and I actually hated her for just a moment. Why couldn't I be that good? Wait, I never tried to be that good. I've slept with too many men, been drunk too many times and basically cuss too much to be considered a Disney Princess. Of course, who knows how much those princesses cuss, or what else, in that underground tunnel below Main Street.

Just sayin' Maybe I could be a princess one day except I could never fit into that damn gown!

My New Favorite Song

I thought after that last post I should put something a bit uplifting. Enjoy!

Sunday Morning

Since I can't figure out how to get my Twitter on the screen at the moment I will give you my Twitter updates in a post.

1.  Rolled out of bed at 9:30 and it is 37 degrees, isn't it spring?

2.  Loved, loved my coffee this morning.  Cafe Umbria, you rock!

3.  Still in my nightgown at 11:10, yes I wear a nightgown.

4.  Husband is doing the dishes, love that!

Figured It Out

I am beginning to figure out how to add pictures.  Here is my most favorite calcium supplement.

Great Wedding Idea

Tonight we went to our old nanny's wedding and it was really beautiful.  Besides the lovely church, beautiful music and her most stunning gown there was, brace yourself........A CANDY BAR!  Does it get better?  She found all of these enormous vases and filled them with different candies.  There were tall ones, fat ones, round and flat ones and they were all filled with candy.  Then she provided little cellophane gift bags to fill to your heart's delight and sealed with a ribbon and note that simply said "Thank You".   It was heavenly.  My girls shoved their mouths full of hot tamales, M &Ms, little tiny mints, malted milk balls and hershey kisses and now they have a stomach ache.  Do you think it will keep them from filling themselves with so much sugar next time?  My guess is not a chance.

The picture on the left is kinda what it looked like.  I'd like to take off the shoe picture but so far I am not computer savvy enough.

Love/Hate Target

OK, so we all love Target with a fiery hot passion, yes? But, seriously, do they have a special brand of stupidness reserved just for those that work there on Saturday afternoons? The checker girl thought it was a good idea to put several boxes of cereal and crackers into one bag and then stuff 4 bottles of wine (shut up, not the point here) into the same bag. And then hand it to me. I explained THREE times that the bag was going to rip, that it was too heavy, that it was too full, to double bag it, anyone home in there? Can you hear me? I finally re-bagged the items myself while she stood there, at a complete loss as to what the problem was. I did remain polite though, until I got outside. Then I called Kim and had to bitch about all the stupid people who are let out on Saturdays to roam free.

Deep(ish) Thoughts.

So, I was working late last night and my mind was wandering from what I was supposed to be doing. I started thinking about a conversation I had with client/fellow mom at lunch about how we parent the best that we can, even though sometimes we realize we aren't the parent we thought we would be. I started thinking about how I really am not the parent I wanted to be. I wish I was more fun, more creative, more nurturing and less controlling. I demand a lot from my kids in terms of behavior and helping out. They really are great kids. I can take them anywhere at any time of the day and I don't worry about- will they sit still, with they be quiet, will they be patient, etc. They know how to behave in public and what is expected of them. Now, they don't act like that all the time. At home, sometimes my ears ring from the noise of three kids running around, playing, etc. But, that's OK. So, where was I going with this post? Oh yes, my thoughts last night. Anyway, I was wondering if its too late to be the parent I want to be? Did I miss the boat, especially with the older 2 kids? This is not a practice life; I don't get to do this over. Those thoughts led me to- is this the life I want to be living? Is it everything I want it to be? Do I need to make changes so that I don't feel as though I'm just trying to make it through each week, day, hour? Am I really living in the moment or am I too wrapped up in all that I "have to do" that I am missing out on life, my life, the only life I get? How does this affect my children and husband?

I was talking to Kim earlier today and we were discussing this same topic. We really didin't have the time to delve too deep into it, but I do know that Kim is an extremely thoughtful and insightful person and I will value any and all thoughts she may have on this topic. Heather as well but Heather is busy these days so we'll have to wait to hear from her.

Things That Piss Me Off

These are a few of the things that really piss me off:

1. Picking a child up from a sleepover party.

2. Being yelled at by child who is behind on homework.

3. Child that will not let you read a fucking sentence in a book before cutting you off.

4. Husband who is always on the bike exercising to avoid anything that maight have to do with child rearing.

Yes, I am bitter this morning.

Things that piss me off.

1. Twitter will not let Kim and I both post our Twitters, even though we have two different accounts. WTF?

2. It has been snowing all day. In Seattle. The last week of March. I am done with the cold.

3. The people who owned our house before us. Seriously people, did you not exercise one ounce of common sense when you lived here? I am sick of ripping out every single thing you did and doing it correctly. At least I use professionals who bring a clue with them.

4. I had to get a box to put all of my files in to bring home over the weekend. I have that much work to do by Monday morning.

5. Yet another public speaking event foisted on me by people at work. Kim- why do people do this? You know how I love public speaking!

Elizabeth Hasselbeck

Elizabeth Hasselbeck is a moron.  I like to watch The View while I am sitting at my computer all day but I have to say SHE IS A MORON.  Just sayin'

Calcium Supplement

Okay, some of you may suffer from low calcium levels like me. Not only do I have low calcium but I have always hated taking the supplement because, to be honest, I don't like straining so hard on the potty. I found the perfect supplement. All hail the best calcium supplment ever:

FLORADIX CALCIUM -MAGNESIUM
for those that never take calcium due to the unplesant side effects

Okay I am having trouble uploading the image. It'll have to come later.

The taste isn't great, they say fruity but I found it more like a too ripe fruity fruit. You'll get used to it.

Here's to strong bones and regular bowel movements.

Daily Dose of Heather- Part Deux

Shhh- I'm posting from work so this will be quick. Brief background of one thing I did at work yesterday that I bitterly complained to Heather about- I was doing some research on the legislative history of a state statute (boring all by itself) and could not find what I was looking for so I downloaded the audio recordings from legislative sessions from 1999 and 2000 AND LISTENED TO THEM. Still did not find what I was looking for.

Recap of a voice mail from Heather this morning:

Heather: "I have a BRILLIANT idea for you."

CP (thinking): "For me? Uh oh, wtf is it going to be?"

Heather: "When you have to do things like sit and listen to audio recordings from state legislative sessions, you should get to charge a "boredom surcharge" to your hourly rate. Just like Jamaba Juice charged a surcharge on their orange juice last winter and like airplanes charge a surcharge on the exit row seats."

CP (thinking): "Now included in my billing policy- a boredom surcharge."

Introduction

I thought I should introduce myself. My name is Kim, I am married and have two girls ages 9 and 11. My life is pretty boring, actually very boring. I sit around all day playing with my computer and wondering whether I have the energy to take a shower. My two best friends are Chris and Heather, they are amazing and keep me from becoming a hermit who never bathes, brushes her teeth or wears deodorant. That is all for now. You'll get to know me better and probably wish you hadn't.

Email and WIne - Not a Good Combo

This is my recent response to an email from Chris after several glasses of wine:


fi you get my second email pertainignt ot his? It dispeared when i was writing it.

Now, you might ask..what was she trying to say? The truth is I really have no idea. If I could figure it out I could call my new language Kimbonics.

Daily Dose of Heather

Okay, I just got my second call from Heather this morning. Her first was on the way to work to report that it was raining. Actually, this morning she was rather calm, the word FUCK only came out of her mouth once when she complained about the weather.

Our second conversation went like this:

Heather: Oh My God, talk about boobs. I was just in the coffee shop and the barista had boobs bigger than yours, mine and Chris' put together.

Me: Wow.

Heather: She was wearing a lacy tank top that barley covered her nipples. I couldn't take my eyes off her cleavage.

Me: Did you like it?

Heather: It was like a car accident.

Me: Was your coffee good?

Heather: What?

Another update in an hour when she calls back to tell me about a lady screaming on the corner. Do you think she really has a job?

R.I.P.

My laptop has bit the dust. I'm going to have to hand it off to K until I can either revive the poor thing or afford to buy a new one. So sad today.

Happy Easter/Sunday Morning

Hmmm, awfully quiet around here, isn't it? I seem to be sitting in this room all by myself. So how was Easter morning for everyone? Ours was as low key as it can get. Baskets for the kids and now I'm going to go make coffee. The kids have already dispersed to whatever it is they are up to. The 2 oldest kids already know I'm the Easter Bunny so it's just the youngest who is still into it.

It's been quite a few days since I last posted. Work has essentially crushed me each and every day. It's already Sunday, I've been working on and off since I got home Friday night and I have a pile of work to be done before Monday morning. No wonder I have a headache and just want to crawl back in bed!

Let's get this blog started!

Time to jump start this blog of ours. I'm C, a mom of 3 and friends to K and H, both moms of 2. Between the 3 of us, we have 7 kids. Let me repeat that- 7 LOUD kids. And, we definitely have a lot to whine about and we also know how to consume a lot of wine. K and H are 2 of the most amazing women I have ever met. I'm excited for you all to get to know them.

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