Saturday, March 29, 2008

Deep(ish) Thoughts.

So, I was working late last night and my mind was wandering from what I was supposed to be doing. I started thinking about a conversation I had with client/fellow mom at lunch about how we parent the best that we can, even though sometimes we realize we aren't the parent we thought we would be. I started thinking about how I really am not the parent I wanted to be. I wish I was more fun, more creative, more nurturing and less controlling. I demand a lot from my kids in terms of behavior and helping out. They really are great kids. I can take them anywhere at any time of the day and I don't worry about- will they sit still, with they be quiet, will they be patient, etc. They know how to behave in public and what is expected of them. Now, they don't act like that all the time. At home, sometimes my ears ring from the noise of three kids running around, playing, etc. But, that's OK. So, where was I going with this post? Oh yes, my thoughts last night. Anyway, I was wondering if its too late to be the parent I want to be? Did I miss the boat, especially with the older 2 kids? This is not a practice life; I don't get to do this over. Those thoughts led me to- is this the life I want to be living? Is it everything I want it to be? Do I need to make changes so that I don't feel as though I'm just trying to make it through each week, day, hour? Am I really living in the moment or am I too wrapped up in all that I "have to do" that I am missing out on life, my life, the only life I get? How does this affect my children and husband?

I was talking to Kim earlier today and we were discussing this same topic. We really didin't have the time to delve too deep into it, but I do know that Kim is an extremely thoughtful and insightful person and I will value any and all thoughts she may have on this topic. Heather as well but Heather is busy these days so we'll have to wait to hear from her.

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